Here's one for you:
Let's say there is a mayor. Of a major city. And the mayor is single and is dating a wealthy developer. (The mayor's administration is also granting said developer some big-ticket city contracts, by the way. But more about that later.) And at some point it comes to light that this mayor went on a shopping spree with 60 -- count 'em, 60 -- gift cards from Best Buy, Old Navy, and the area Giant supermarket chain worth about $1,500, most of which were paid for by the mayor's developer lover. Except there's a small twist: these 60 cards were allegedly intended for use by poor families during the holidays. The developer, by now the mayor's ex-boyfriend, tells a grand jury that the mayor's office telephoned him asking for a slew of $25 and $50 gift cards; the $25 cards, he says, were for single mothers and the $50 cards were for bigger families.
But, as it turned out, all 60 of them were personally used by the mayor, for the mayor.
All hell breaks loose. The mayor is indicted for felony theft and other charges. Initially, the mayor claims to have used the cards by mistake. (Yep, used up 60 cards, all by mistake. Shopping can be so confusing.) But no, wait. At the trial, the mayor's legal team makes a hairpin turn and argues that the mayor, in fact, truly believed that all these cards were intended for the mayor's personal use. So the mayor, the attorney declares to the jury, was spending recklessly in good faith. Sure, maybe it appeared a little odd for the rich boyfriend to send, as a personal token of affection, 60 small-value gift cards to the mayor's office instead of, say, sending a few big cards or a gift certificate for $1,500 to the mayor's home. But, hey, anybody can misunderstand a gift, right? So off went the mayor on an extended and thoroughly honorable mission to spend down 60 gift cards.
Welcome to Baltimore, the town where I live, where the mayor of the moment, Sheila Dixon, in a local tradition of political hacks, numbskulls, and petty thieves, is trying to set a new record for the most outrageous straight-faced claim of innocence ever. As well as a new standard for astoundingly reprehensible behavior toward the poor.
I care more about this sorry Baltimore episode than you do, of course, because I live here. Mayor Dixon is a perennial lightweight and sad sack whose un-mayorly leadership has been a local embarrassment since her election. But then, this is the town where (former mayor) William Donald Shaefer made it onto CNN by ordering a young staffer, on camera, to repeat her walk away from him while he ogled her derriere. Mayor Dixon might rightly figure that shame is extinct around these parts.
Anyway, at a time when former card-carrying Deficit Spenders For Bush Wars And Plutocratic Gluttony are now threatening to riot over federal spending to repair the damage they helped create, I thought I'd share with you Baltimore's latest little tale of political audacity.
By the way, Mayor Dixon's trial for theft, embezzlement, and misconduct is now in progress. Her perjury trial for allegedly not reporting gifts from city contractor and former boyfriend Ronald Lipscomb is scheduled for March.