for a person who is the equivalent of a husband or wife but in an unmarried relationship by choice. I had an aunt who was with the same man for something like 40 years, until death, without their marrying. I have a friend whose live-in life love recently died unexpectedly -- again, they could have legally married but chose not to -- and in conveying my sympathy I realized I was missing a noun that would do justice to this person's role in my friend's life.
I have since been groping for that word in my hamstrung language, English, and I haven't found it. "Partner," to me, falls way short emotionally and sounds too transactional, although I know that some couples comfortably use it. "Companion" also seems to come up short; that could be your dog. "Girlfriend" and "boyfriend" seem OK to me up to a point, but once you have reached a certain seriousness of loving commitment, especially later in life, calling someone your "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" just sounds silly. I guess we could go with modifiers and try "life companion" or "loving partner" or similar pairings, but they feel to me more like fodder for obits or greeting cards than for actual life. Plus, who wants to lug around a two-word phrase as the generic handle for the person you love?
"Domestic partner" also feels chilly to me. I know the term is useful as a legal runner-up to "husband" or "wife" for gay couples who want to marry but are forbidden to by discriminatory laws, and it also has legal uses for potential recognition of straight couples who cohabit. But as a phrase it leaves me cold. Listen to it: "Domestic partnership." It sounds like a household business. All that's missing is the "Inc." afterward. Of course, gay couples who would like to marry can choose to call themselves "husbands" and "wives" no matter what the laws say (although there are plenty of reasons why they might not like those terms). But what about people who don't want to marry but who have built a life together?
So I've come up wordless for this. Maybe there's one I'm missing. Or it's time to create one. Surely we can do better than the lame assortment from which we've learned to choose.
I have since been groping for that word in my hamstrung language, English, and I haven't found it. "Partner," to me, falls way short emotionally and sounds too transactional, although I know that some couples comfortably use it. "Companion" also seems to come up short; that could be your dog. "Girlfriend" and "boyfriend" seem OK to me up to a point, but once you have reached a certain seriousness of loving commitment, especially later in life, calling someone your "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" just sounds silly. I guess we could go with modifiers and try "life companion" or "loving partner" or similar pairings, but they feel to me more like fodder for obits or greeting cards than for actual life. Plus, who wants to lug around a two-word phrase as the generic handle for the person you love?
"Domestic partner" also feels chilly to me. I know the term is useful as a legal runner-up to "husband" or "wife" for gay couples who want to marry but are forbidden to by discriminatory laws, and it also has legal uses for potential recognition of straight couples who cohabit. But as a phrase it leaves me cold. Listen to it: "Domestic partnership." It sounds like a household business. All that's missing is the "Inc." afterward. Of course, gay couples who would like to marry can choose to call themselves "husbands" and "wives" no matter what the laws say (although there are plenty of reasons why they might not like those terms). But what about people who don't want to marry but who have built a life together?
So I've come up wordless for this. Maybe there's one I'm missing. Or it's time to create one. Surely we can do better than the lame assortment from which we've learned to choose.
